How to get rid of the fear that the beloved can change?

I have friends advise: do not cheat yourself. But the advice is easy, but to do so, as advised difficult. It all started with the fact that the first husband betrayed me - we parted. After a few years she married a second time. And a new husband that was also a second marriage. It seems to be old wounds healed, the second husband loves. But all the time caught myself thinking that from him, too, as well as from her first husband, you can expect a dirty trick. He will meet with friends, but I think the girls out there. If you go to a meeting with his daughter from his first marriage, I'm fantasizing that the first wife is walking with them. Once navydumyvala herself so that the tablets had to be treated. In phone calls react painfully. With whom is my husband says? I try all the time to control the situation: where the husband went, with whom he went. Above all, understand that's impossible. But in another way I can. I can not trust her husband, who I've never been unfaithful. All the time I'm afraid what if it happens the same way as in the first marriage. The wounds healed, but the pain from the betrayal, perhaps, still not passed. And, I can not say that I am not sure of herself. In appearance and with the rest of me all right, men pay attention, though not 20-year-old girl. Well, how to get rid of this terrible feeling of not even jealousy, but rather the fear once again survive treason?
Vika.

Comment psychology

- First of all, I want to draw your attention to the fact that the process of getting rid of fear rather long and laborious. Here a psychologist's help in the form of individual work or group work. While you and say you believe in yourself, all your behavior indicates otherwise. Hidden complexes always cause a similar reaction to similar life situations.

You can use one remarkable psychological device - imagine that your fear was confirmed, and what you feared has happened. At the same time in your relationship with her husband, nothing has changed. You are still together and still love each other. In the end, physical betrayal - this is just the situation, an event that took place. Worse, when the betrayal in the mind. And you are trying to make their behavior in the minds of her husband thought that he was not allowed. Besides, your fears may be subject to manipulation by others.

You need to understand two simple truths: the first - that was then already passed. The past should not haunt us, it gives us some experience, which we use in later life. Second - to trust people, especially relatives. If you do not trust the person with whom you live, you encourage him to mutual distrust. Peculiar projection of undesirable behavior in another person may also indicate that you yourself are afraid to commit such acts.